Encyclopedia Galactica: Scattered Imperium Records about Telluria

Encyclopedia Galactica: Scattered Imperium Records about Telluria

Part I. Records from Official Imperium Sources

     Dated in years before and after the Ascension of Emperor Ziasudrao, the First Emperor of the Concordat Dynasty. Imperial records of events occurring in the Yiggian and Phorusrhacidae dynasties are incomplete due to the chaos surrounding the collapse of both dynasties, plus lesser redactions from the collapse of the Eridug, Bad-Tibira, Larag, Zimbir, and Curuppag Dynasties; known as the Greater and Lesser Imperial Redaction Periods respectively, plus the unimportance of a 'harmless and wet' planet like Telluria (also known as Tellestia) was to galactic politics during this time period.

     450,104 BC (Before Concordance) Two primitive primates named G'rathas and V'irga discover how to make fire; tribal "Eternal Flame" watchers get much-needed break. Earliest known records in archives about Telluria.

     circa 393,000 BC (Before Concordance) Ancient Astronaut Moroni descends to Telluria to set up a philosophy experiment involving primitive primates and primitive primate friendly word processors to see how long it would take them to produce the collected works of William Shakespeare. A lost equipment requisition order resulted in the primitive primate friendly word processors being misplaced. The Ancient Astronauts spent the remaining budget on women and booze, wasting the rest. A little over 440 thousand years later, one of the descendants of one of these would be arboreal authors gave birth to William Shakespeare. Despite the breakthrough, in the meantime the Ancient Astronauts had already spent the remaining budget on women and booze (wasting the rest), and were reduced to subjecting the occasional unsuspecting farmer to rectal probes to retain their grant funding and publishing rights.

     circa 253,000 BC (Before Concordance) Primitive Tellurians, although still technically an endangered species used for manual labor.

     circa 200,000 BC (Before Concordance) The Geminga Supernova Shockwave Crossfire crosses over the sector of space where Telluria is located, making most traditional forms of superluminal travel extremely hazardous or impossible in the Geminga Sphere for the next 248,847 years or so. Only Stargate and the Imperium Wormhole Nexus available, and the occasionally every few millennia there is ferry service.

     circa 153,000 BC (Before Concordance) First Anatomically modern Tellurians, Adapa, Titi, Ka-in and Abael, are still fairly clueless.

     circa 53,000 BC (Before Concordance) Misunderstanding the meaning of "What happens on Telluria, stays in Telluria.", two hundred Combine Watchers (Observers) known as the Grigori break their conditioning and mate with anatomically modern Tellurians. The son of one of the Grigori, Azazael is imprisoned as a result. The largest single breakdown of Observer discipline and conditioning in its history. Combine conditioning practices to be reviewed and revamped.

     circa 50,000 BC (Before Concordance) THE GREAT DIASPRORA. Humans taken by the Yiggian Imperium to Trantor, or seeded on other planets throughout the galaxy as part of the One Million Monkeys Project.

     circa 23,000 BC (Before Concordance) Toba Super-volcano wipes out all but 1500 breeding pairs of anatomically modern Tellurians. Menopause developed during this time. After the development of the grandmother, Tellurian culture finally begins to progress. First signs of partying found in South African caves.

     1 BC (Before Concordance) Two alleged Tellurians by the names of Jannes and Jambres think they were imbued with immortality by virtue of a mysterious glowing meteorite. The actual cause of their longevity and durability remains a mystery due to their elusiveness.

     Concordance Year Zero. Founding of the Concordat Dynasty of the Trantorian Galactic Imperium.

     circa 36,000 AC. Tellurian Diluvia Disaster (flood) wipes out much extra-Tellurian civilization.

     circa 39,000 AC. Goa’uld first abduct Tellurians as hosts and labour, create largest collection of baseline wildlife preserves.

     circa 39,450 AC. Imperium and other outside forces take measured actions to prevent poaching of Tellurians.

     42,896 AC, Sunday, October 23rd First and only official visit by the Imperium to Telluria. Chaos ensues, but otherwise nothing of any significance Usshered in.

     circa 43,400 AC. Aliens from Thuban 9 convince Egyptians to worship cats.

     circa 44,000 AC. Tellurian Stargates buried to prevent further Goa’uld poaching.

     44,877 AC. First use of nuclear weapons on Telluria used on Cēdom and Ămōrāh related to a spaceport conflict. Large numbers of representatives of the Imperium Scout Service, Combine and Navigator Corpus leave Telluria; what few remain depart in 46,577 AC.

     circa 45,500 AC. Jannu and Jambres get cushy jobs as court magicians in Egypt and are embarrassed when another wizard’s snake eats theirs. They are forced to flee during the exodus.

     46,279 AC. Uppity Tellurians begin to independently develop notions about philosophy. For reasons not revealed, Zarathustra, Lao-Tzu, Confucius, Siddhartha Guatama, Xenophanes, Pythagoras, Isaiah, Theagenes, Hecataeus, Heraclitus, Parmenides, Empedocles, Democritus, Thucydides, Plato, Aristotle, Artha-sastra, Zhuangzi, Shang Yang, and Euclid were not rounded up and executed.

     46,446 AC. Official representatives of the Imperium Scout Service, Combine and Navigator Corpus begin to leave Telluria.

     46,577 AC. Alexander the Great declared a god by temples in Egypt, creates first Empire, ascends thru a sacred monkey bite ceremony.

     46,577 AC. Last remaining representatives of the Imperium Scout Service, Combine and Navigator Corpus leave Telluria. The Encyclopedia Galactica officially categorized the planet as "harmless and wet"; follow-up review was scheduled for 49796 AC.

     Not of much interest happens on Telluria for the 2850 years that follows.

     49,428 AC. Current year of this edition.

    

     Part II. Reconstructed Records from Broadcasts.

     The following records are reconstructed thru the monitoring of radio and television broadcasts as recorded by the Sirius Chapter of the Interstellar I Love Lucy Fan Club and other sources considered to be credible. We apologize for any minor inaccuracies that may have resulted.

     (circa 35,000 B.C.E.) circa 12,000 AC. (After Concordance) Invention of the Tellurian pornography.

     (circa 28,000 B.C.E.) circa 19,000 AC. (After Concordance) Invention of the dildo. (seriously, this happened.)

     (circa 14,200 B.C.E.) circa 32,700 AC. Conan the Cimmerian meets Hyrkania Red Sonjaita of Rogatino, devotee of Scáthach at the Hyperborean Sock Hop.

     (circa 10,900 B.C.E.) circa 36,000 AC. Tellurian Diluvia Disaster (flood) wipes out much extra-Tellurian civilization.

     (circa 7900 B.C.E.) circa 39,000 AC. Goa’uld first abduct Tellurians as hosts and labour, creating the largest collection of baseline wildlife preserves in the Galaxy.

     (4004 B.C.E.) 42,896 AC, Sunday, October 23rd Traditional date for the start of life on Tellurian, but otherwise nothing of any significance Usshered in.

     (circa 3500 B.C.E.) circa 43,400 AC. Egyptians worship cats.

     (circa 2900 B.C.E.) circa 44,000 AC. Tellurian Stargates buried.

     (circa 2900 B.C.E.) circa 44,000 AC. Gigantopithecus and Paranthropus robustus, later known as Sasquatch flee the cradle of civilization and emigrate to the Northwest Great Eastern Empire, much later referred to as the Great Western Empire, presumably in search of wild salmon.

     (2023 B.C.E.) 44,877 AC. Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed.

     (1400 B.C.E.) circa 45,500 AC. Jannu and Jambres get cushy jobs as court magicians in Egypt and are embarrassed when another wizard’s snake eats theirs. They are forced to flee during the exodus.

     (323 B.C.E.) 46,577 AC. Alexander the Great declared a god by temples in Egypt, creates first Empire, dies from monkey bite.

     (212 B.C.E.) 46,688 AC. Archimedes invents the heat ray.

     (200 B.C.E.) circa 46,700 AC. Unknown Sumerian engineer invents the battery. No one cares.

     (200 B.C.E.) circa 46,700 AC. Seat of Tellurian Empire moved to Rome.

     (60 A.D.) 46,960 AC. Hero of Alexandria, invents the syringe, automatic door, first coin operated vending machine, first Tellurian Steam Engine in Egypt known as the (aeolipile), and the Philosopher’s Stone. No one cares.

     (400 A.D.) circa 47,300 AC. Seat of Tellurian Empire moved to Byzantium.

     (672 A.D.) 47,572 AC, Syrian engineer named Greek Fire (kid you not, actual name), invents the flamethrower.

     (1000 A.D.) 47,900 AC, October 9th. Leif Erikson colonizes the east end of the Eastern Kingdom, this newfound land later to be renamed Kanata, many hundreds of years later changed to Canada for some reason. When China runs out of kaolin, the name for dining porcelain changed to Canucks.

     (1195 A.D. – 1995 A.D.) 48,095 AC. - 48895 AC. The Syldavia-Borduria, one of the longest running wars in Tellurian history.

     (1421 A.D.) 48,321 AC. Chinese Admiral Zheng he, in service of the Emperor Yongle of China, discovers the continent of The Eastern Kingdom, later to be renamed Calafia hundreds of years later by a Portuguese public relations firm to promote the romance novel Las Sergas de Esplandian. Tourism and immigration promoters changed the name to "Caliente Fornalia" and "Calida Fornax" (Hot Climate), to encourage European tourism and immigration. The Ming Dynasty continued trade with the continents of Calafia and Piruw. Seat of Empire moved to Beijing.

     (1492 A.D.) 48,392 AC. European diseases and slavery imported to the Eastern Kingdoms, later to be known as the Great Western Empire. Imperial Seat moved to Madrid.

     (1500 A.D.) circa 48,400 AC. Woodscrew in invented.

     (1589 A.D.) 48,489 -48502 AC.The Earl of Oxford, Francis Bacon, Queen Elizabeth, Christopher Marlowe wrote the plays and poems attributed to Shakespeare of Stratford, to cheat a bet with some aliens regarding primitive primates and primitive primate friendly word processors.

     (1580 A.D.) 48,480 AC. William Bourne invents the submarine.

     (1608 A.D.) 48,508 AC. Dutchman Hans Lippershey invents the telescope.

     (1688 A.D.) 48,588 AC. Imperial Seat moved to London.

     GOLDEN AGE OF INVENTION

     (1769 A.D.) 48,669 AC. French Inventor Nicolas-Joseph Cugnot invents the first automobile. No one cares.

     (1790 A.D.) 48,690 AC. First serious attempts by Tellurians to reanimate life meets with limited success. Some socio-political fallout about the rights of the dead and graverobbing, but otherwise no one cares.

     (1797 A.D.) 48,697 AC. Beginning of trend of abductions of prominent political figures by Aliens. Known Political Alien Abductions: Napoleon, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Charles de Gaulle, Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Spiro Agnew, Richard Nixon, Henry Kissinger, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, Walter Mondale, George H. W. Bush, Michael Dukakis, Ross Perot, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Lyndon LaRouche, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor.

     (1810 A.D.) circa 48,695 AC. Canned food is invented after 15 years of Research and Development.

     (1812 A.D.) 48,712 AC. Screwdriver is invented, 300 years after the invention of the screw.

     (1832 A.D.) 48,732 AC. Scottish Inventor Robert Anderson invents the first electric car. No one cares.

     (1833 A.D.) 48,733 AC. Charles Babbage invents the computer. No one cares.

     (1842 A.D.) 48,742 AC. Fax machine is invented. No one cares.

     (1843 A.D.) 48,743 AC. Alexander Bain invents the television. No one cares.

     (1854 A.D.) 48,754 AC. Heinrich Goebel invents the lightbulb.

     (1858 A.D.) 48,758 AC. Can-opener is invented, 48 years after the invention of canned food.

     (1859 A.D.) 48,759 AC. Charles Darwin publishes the book "On the Origin of Species" to cover up the horrible truth that Tellurians were artificially engineered from primitive primates.

     (1860 A.D.) 48,760 AC. Italian Antonio Meucci invents the telefono.

     (1865 A.D.) 48,765 AC. April 14 Famed vampire hunter Abraham Lincoln drives vampires out of Great Western Empire.

     (1869 A.D.) 48,769 AC. Lothar Meyer invents periodic table of elements.

     (1869 A.D.) 48,769 AC. - 48786 AC. Secret Service agents fight giant robots and other machinations of the Loveless brothers and other nefarious fiends in the Great Western Empire.

     (1894 A.D.) 48,794 AC. Invention of the steering wheel.

     (1895 A.D.) 48,795 AC. Clarence Madison Dally invents the x-ray machine, has limbs amputated from radiation poisoning.

     (1897 A.D.) 48,797 AC. Ernest Duchesne invents penicillin.

     (1905 A.D.) 48,805 AC. Hendrik Lorentz and Henri Poincare publish the theories of general and special relativity.

     (1912 A.D.) 48,812 AC. Otto Titzling, inventor of the famous 'two-tit sling', revolutionizes the women’s undergarment industry with an alternative to the corset while studying the structural engineering challenges presented by the buxom opera singer Swanhilda Olafson. Titzling was acquitted for the apparent murder of Phillip de Brassiere, who tried to steal the invention.

     (1920 A.D.) 48,820 AC. The Illuminati invent the National Football League as a populace distraction, its founder, Walter Camp, was a Skull and Bones member.

     (1927 A.D.) 48,827 AC. Sliced bread invented.

     (1928 A.D.) 48,828 AC. Telluria’s stargate is discovered, not activated for another 17 years, then shelved until 1996.

     (1929 A.D.) 48,829 AC. Invention of the railplane.

     (1939 A.D.) 48,839 AC. First known celebrity abductions by aliens, Charlie Chaplin. 48,870 AC. will see a dramatic increase in trend in celebrity abductions.

     (1945 A.D.) 48,845 AC, August 6th. First atomics detonation in an intraprovincial war. Seat of Empire moved to Colorado. Reign of Emperor Julius Caesar, his war with Adenoid Hynkel and the events of Iliad, which is the main Imperial historical text on Terra.

     (1945 A.D.) 48,845 AC. Grand Rapid Michigan becomes the first city to voluntarily have mind control fluoride in their water supply.

     (1945 A.D.) 48,845 AC. The predecessor of the RFID chip is invented, which allows governments to eavesdrop on its citizens.

     (1945 A.D.) 48,845 AC. Telluria’s stargate activated for first times since its discovery 17 years before. Project shelved for another 50 year.

     (1947 A.D.) 48,847 AC. Unofficial first contact with extraterrestrial life goes badly. Government cover-up of alien life continues for another 114 years. Government also suppresses fusion research to support the oil industry.

     (1948 A.D.) 48,848 AC. Thomas Goldsmith Jr. invents the video game.

     (1950 A.D.) 48,850 AC. President in Exile of the Great Western Empire Albert Arnold Gore Junior invents the Arpawebnet, heralding in the misinformation age.

     (1957 A.D.) 48,857 AC. First broadcast of the "I Love Lucy" show. 8.6 years later received in Sirius, attempts to understand Tellurian culture from these broadcasts resulted in the first interstellar Lucy Fan Club, while very popular produced no actual credible academic results.

     (1961 A.D.) 48,861 AC. Codex Alimentarius Commission created by the World Health Organization to mind control the general public.

     (1965 A.D.) 48,865 AC. Increase in trend in celebrity abductions by aliens since Charlie Chaplin. Known celebrity alien abductions: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Beastie Boys, Beck, Billy Crystal, Bob Barker, Bob Dole, Bob Uecker, Charlie Chaplin, Checkers the cat, Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, Clint Eastwood, Conan O'Brien, David Duchovny, David X. Cohen, DeForest Kelley, Dennis Rodman, Dick Clark, Elvis Presley, Eric Cartman, Eric Stoltz, George Foreman, George Takei, Gillian Anderson, Hank Aaron, Heidi Klum, Hermes Conrad, Homer Simpson, Jack Nicholson, Jacques Cousteau, Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Morrison, Joan Rivers, John Turturro, Jon Stewart, Jonathan Frakes, Justin Bieber, Karthoum, Kate Moss, Katey Sagal, Laetitia Casta, Leonard Nimoy, Leonardo DiCaprio, Liz Taylor, Lucille Ball, Lucy Liu, Martha Stewart, Martin Lawrence, Matt Groening, Michael Jackson, Mimi Rogers, Nichelle Nichols, Nicole Kidman, Orson Welles, Pamela Anderson, Patrick Williams, Paul McCartney, Penn Jillette, Rebecca Romijn, Rich Little, Rob Reiner, Ron Jeremy, Ron Popeil, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sharon Stone, Snoop Dogg, Sylvester Stalone, Tim Allen, Tom Cruise, Traci Lords, Walter Cronkite, and William Shatner.

     (1966 A.D.) 48,866 AC. Paul McCartney abducted by aliens, replaced with a look alike.

     (1966 A.D.) 48,866 AC. Most, if not all professional sports are staged, and all the players are really B-grade actors. Due to fluoridated water and Codex Alimentarius, no one can tell.

     (1968 A.D.) 48,868 AC. Umbrella Corporation officially incorporated. Umbrella developed some of the most advanced technology on Earth, only to use it for their ill-fated "build a better zombie" business plan. Possibly contributed to the cause of the Eugenics Wars and the alleged Zombie Apocalypse which may or may not have happened during that time or during World War III. Umbrella Corporations horrible resource allocation methods are taught at business schools as cautionary tales, such as multi-billion dollar cloning facility set aside solely for the purpose of dismembering naked Ukrainian supermodels.

     (1969 A.D.) 48,869 AC. Lunar landing was a hoax, but secretly the Werner von Braun vision for colonization of the solar system is realized, a massive undertaking requiring dozens of ferry shuttles transporting dozens of tons of hardware into planetary orbit, where equipment would be assembled to move dozens of astronauts and kilotons of equipment into Mars orbit. This marked the beginning of Telluria’s permanent presence in space.

     (1971 A.D.) 48,871 AC. Jim Morrison abducted by aliens.

     (1973 A.D.) 48,873 AC, March 1. Xerox presents the personal computer, the Xerox Alto.

     (1974 A.D.) 48,874 AC. Gary Arlen Kildall, founder of "Intergalactic Digital Research”, invented CP/M, the operating system that the majority of computer from Telluria run on. Gary became the richest man in the world, known for his innovation and philanthropy.

     (1977 A.D.) 48,877 AC. Elvis Pressley fakes his death to avoid alien abduction, lives under the name of John Burrows as an agent for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms until he is finally abducted by aliens.

     (1980 A.D.) 48,880 AC. Serial killer Stephen King shot and killed John Lennon.

     (1980 A.D.) 48,880 AC. Beginning of trend of Aliens impersonating Tellurians. Top 100 Known Aliens impersonating Tellurians: Aaron Sandilands, Akebono Tarō, Al Franken, Al Roker, Alexei Nemov , Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic, Amanda Bynes, André (The Giant) René Roussimoff, Andy Warhol, Angelina Jolie, Anna Nicole Smith, Anthony Robbins, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barry Sonnenfeld, Bill Gates, Björk Guðmundsdóttir, Boy George, Carl Myerscough, Chloe Sonnenfeld, Choi Hong Man, Christopher Walken, Courtney Love, Cyndi Lauper, Danny DeVito, David Beckham, Dennis Rodman, Dionne Warwick, Dolph Lundgren, Edouard Beaupré, Elon Musk, Elvis Pressley, Flavor Flav (William Jonathan Drayton Jr.), George Lucas, Gheorghe Mureşan, Giovanna Plowman, Gogea Mitu, Gordon Ramsay, Grace Jones, Hayden Panettiere, Howard Stern, Isaac Mizrahi, Ivo Karlović, Jackie Chan, James Woods, Janelle Monáe Robinson, Jeff Goldblum, Jeff Hardy, Jim Carrey, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Justin Bieber, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Katy Perry, Kristof van Hout, Lady Gaga (Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta), Loek Van Mil, Ludacris, Madonna, Manute Bol , Margo Dydek, Maria Sharapova, Marilyn Manson, Michael Jackson, Mickey Rourke, Mohammed Irfan, Newt Gingrich, Nicki Minaj, Oprah Winfrey, Orson Welles, Ozzy Osbourne, Park (Psy) Jae-sang, Paul (PeeWee Herman) Reubens, Paul Sturgess, Paulo César da Silva, Peter (Chewbacca) Mayhew, Phyllis Diller, Prince Rogers Nelson, Rebecca Black, Richard Branson, Robert Sligh, Ru Paul, Russell Brand, Seal (Henry Olusegun Adeola Samuel), Simone Biles, Stephen Hawking, Steven Spielberg, Steven Tyler, Suleiman Ali Nashnush, Svetlana Khorkina, Sylvester Stallone, Ted Williams, Tim Burton, Tim Robbins, Tom Green, Tommy Wiseau, Vitas (Vitaliy Vladasovich Grachov), Wilt Chamberlain, Woody Allen, Yao Ming, and Zdeno Chára.

     (1982 A.D.) 48,882 AC. Michael Jackson abducted by aliens, and replaced by an alien near lookalike so his videos could play on MTV. Jackson’s alien double died in 48,909 AC (2009 A.D.).

     (1984 A.D.) 48,884 AC. President of the Great Western Empire cancels tertiary education funding and declines the opportunity to permanently eradicate the flu so he could afford a 600 boat navy. Proto-neo-fascists cheer.

     (1984 A.D.) 48,884 AC. Andy Kaufman abducted by aliens.

     (1985 A.D.) 48,885 AC. Eric Stoltz stars in the award winning movie "Back to the Future", which by a later coincidence results in Bif Tannen becoming president.

     (1990 A.D.) 48890 AC. Rumored that famed prolific actor, Nicolas Cage, spent his vast entire fortune to have himself cloned, so that he attain his dream of starring in every movie ever made. Nicolas Cage was known for playing John Bender in "The Breakfast Club", Tony Stark in "Iron Man, Joel Goodsen in "Risky Business, Willy Wonka in "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory", Joel Barish in "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", Neo in "The Matrix", Superman in "Superman Lives", Harry Dunne in "Dumb And Dumber", Vincent Mancini in "The Godfather: Part III", Brad Hamilton in "Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Green Goblin in "Spider-Man", Randy Robinson in "The Wrestler", John Constantine in "Constantine", Scarecrow in "Batman Begins", Charlie Chaplin in "Chaplin, Bobby Shatford in "The Perfect Storm", Aragorn in "Lord Of The Rings, the voice of Shrek in the "Shrek" franchise, Chev Chelios in "Crank", Skeletor in "He-Man", Dolarhyde in "Red Dragon", Mr. X in "The Green Hornet", and of course his various roles in the popular series that became known as "Cage of Thrones". While never confirmed, an improbably large number of movies starring Nicolas Cage begin to be produced, considered the hardest working man in Hollywood.

     (1992 A.D. 1996 A.D.) 48,892 AC. - 48896 AC. Eugenics War comes about after repeated attempts to clone Nicolas Cage goes horribly wrong. Early signs of the alleged Zombie Apocalypse. Something about politics and augmented supermen.

     (1996 A.D.) 48,896 AC. Tellurian scientists secretly activate the Stargate, precipitates various wars without telling anyone.

     (1996 A.D.) 48,896 AC. Tupac Shakur living in Cuba and New Zealand under the name "Jamal Millwood", until he was abducted by aliens.

     (1998 A.D.) 48,898 AC. Nicolas Cage wins Academy Award for best actor for his portrayal of Superman in the Tim Burton movie "Superman Lives”.

     (1999 A.D.) 48,899 AC. Serial killer Stephen King killed Stanley Kubrick because he didn't like The Shining film adaptation.

     (2000 A.D.) 48,900 AC. "Kitchen Fresh Chicken", "Crystal Pepsi", "The Pontiac Aztec", "Smell-O-Vision", "DIVX", "Ishtar", "Betamax", "Jar Jar Binks", "New Coke", "Crocs", "Ford Pinto", "Pluto Nash", "Waterworld" and others suspected to have been caused by alien interference.

     (2000 A.D.) 48,900 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2001 A.D.) 48,901 AC. Baywatch: The Movie becomes the first movie shot entirely in slow-motion, and wins Pamela Anderson the Oscar for best actress and best effects.

     (2002 A.D.) 48,902 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2003 A.D.) 48,903 AC. Pop rock singer Avril Lavigne committed suicide and her management replaced her by a look-alike, who recorded subsequent releases and left subtle clues in the lyrics.

     (2006 A.D.) 48,906 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2008 A.D.) 48,908 AC. Within 12 years of activating the stargate, two major interstellar species Goa’uld and Asgard are driven to extinction.

     (2008 A.D.) 48,908 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2009 A.D.) 48,909 AC. Michael Jackson’s alien near lookalike who had been impersonating him for 17 years died of a drug overdose.

     (2009 A.D.) 48,909 AC. "Stop and Drop" becomes most popular brand of suicide booth.

     (2009 A.D.) 48,909 AC. The Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Norway begins preserving the seeds of every plant on Telluria.

     (2010 A.D.) 48,910 AC. The Svalbard Germ Warfare Repository opens beside the Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Norway.

     (2010 A.D.) 48,910 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2012 A.D.) 48,912 AC. Founding of Weyland Corporation, precursor the Weyland-Yutani. Weyland-Yutani developed some of the most advanced technology on Earth, only to use it for their ill-fated "build a better killer alien" business plan. Possibly contributed to the alleged android uprisings that may or may not have happened during World War III.

     (2012 A.D.) 48,912 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2014 A.D.) 48,914 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2016 A.D.) 48,916 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2018 A.D.) 48,918 AC. Rapper Eminem died in a car crash and replaced with a look-alike.

     (2019 A.D.) 48,919 AC. Invention of Replicants by Tyrell and invention of the modern android by Weyland-Yutani. Possibly contributed to the alleged Android Uprisings that may or may not have happened during World War III.

     (2019 A.D.) 48,919 AC. Calculon, later to be renowned as the greatest robot actor of all times is manufactured as a humble automotive manufacturing arm robot.

     (2026 A.D. - 2053 A.D.) 48,926 AC. - 48953 AC. World War III, also known as World War Terminus. First widespread exchanged of nuclear weapons. The Zombie Apocalypse and the Android Uprisings may or may not have happened during this time. Interstellar broadcasts are spotty at best during this time, many key records are missing, and most eyewitness accounts are suspect.

     (2032 A.D.) 48,932 AC. Philip J. Fry II becomes first Tellurian on Mars on purpose.

     (2038 A.D.) 48,938 AC. Telluria’s petroleum reserves run out.

     (2051 A.D.) 48,951 AC. Telluria’s petroleum reserves run out again.

     (2053 A.D.) 48,953 AC. New York City launches giant loads of garbage into space, "never to be seen again".

     (2063 A.D.) 48,963 AC. Second "first-contact" with extraterrestrials goes marginally better’ no extraterrestrials were mutilated, killed, tortured, experimented on, or vivisected.

     (2063 A.D.) 48,963 AC. Giant blocks of ice start dropped into the ocean to combat global warming.

     (2069 A.D.) 48,969 AC. First mission to colonize a new solar system.

     (2069 A.D.) 48,969 AC. – 48,999 A series of four conflicts with the Kzinti is referred to as the Earth-Kzin Wars, ending with the Treaty of Sirius.

     (2079 A.D.) 48,979 AC. Cyborgs or giant carrots allegedly enslave Tellurians, but no one seems to recall or notice, or produce conclusive evidence.

     (2081 A.D.) 48,981 AC. Birth of science prodigy Elroy Jetson.

     (2083 A.D.) 48,983 AC. Contact with first attempted extra-solar colony is lost, not re-contacted until 49,051 AC.

     (2100 A.D.) 49,000 AC. The Little Diaspora. Hundreds of thousands of Tellurians in Arkships depart the collapsing ecosystem of Telluria for various other solar systems, including 34 Tau.

     (2110 A.D.) 49,010 AC. Telluria re-seeded and set aside (by Imperial edict) as a natural park.

     (2115 A.D.) 49,015 AC. Ron Propei (somehow still alive) discovers a source of Crystalline Opalescent H2OGfat and reproduces the technology of keeping heads alive indefinitely in jars.

     (2120 A.D.) 49,020 AC. The Lost City of Atlanta, a major airline hub of Delta Airlines, is sunk beneath the ocean due to a fault at the Coca-Cola bottling plant.

     (2148 A.D.) 49,048 AC. Rolling Stones tour for last time.

     (2151 A.D.) 49,051 AC. First contact with the fast food entrepreneurs known as the Klingon goes poorly.

     (2156 A.D. - 2160 A.D.) 49,056 AC. - 49,060 Earth Romulan War.

     (2161 A.D.) 49,061 AC. Telluria joins the mutual admiration society known as the Federation of Planets.

     (2200 A.D.) 49,100 AC. Kidnappster holds Lucy Liu prisoner.

     (2220 A.D.) 49,120 AC. Decapodians arrive and soon eat the anchovy species into extinction.

     (2250 A.D.) 49,150 AC. The ruins of Old New York progressively decay underground, and many of the upper-city's sewer lines are routed through or near them. Eventually, radioactive waste and good ol' American feces turns sewer-dwelling humans into a race of mutants.

     (2308 A.D.) 49,208 AC. New York City is rebuilt for some reason.

     (2520 A.D.) 49,420 AC. Recontact made with lost Tellurian colony on 34 Tau.

     (2520 A.D.) 49,420 AC. Uranus’s name is changed to Urectum. Pluto considered a planet again, but not renamed George despite the petitions.

     (2531 A.D.) 49,431 AC. Current year of this edition.