Why Literpak Water is so expensive

Why Literpak Water is so expensive

The Imperium and the Space Navigator's Guild Corpus get regular complaints about why Literpak Water is so expensive.

 

The oppressive heat of Araxes requires a special water that compensates for the extreme dehydration caused by the desert.

 

Literpak Water, manufactured under license by the Imperium and distributed by the Space Navigator's Guild Corpus uses a proprietary process involving subjecting purified dihydrogen monoxide to specific frequencies of high energy sound waves, creating sonoluminescence which causes a persistent reduction in the average size of the clusters present in the liquid.

 

Dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), also known as dihydrogen oxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, hydrogen oxide, hydrogen hydroxide, hydric acid, hydroxic acid, hydroxylic acid, hydroxilic acid, hydroxyl acid, and μ-oxido dihydrogen is a colorless and odorless chemical compound which consists of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes and even to chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.

 

Literpak Water is structurally different from ordinary ultra-purified 'normal' water, it is a five-molecule microclusters of dihydrogen monoxide. The microcluster dihydrogen monoxide makes it easier for dihydrogen monoxide molecules to pass through cell membranes and water so treated improves the 'survivability' of cells.

 

Current law prevents the Space Navigator's Guild Corpus from advertising that the dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water or any other restructured dihydrogen monoxide product has health benefits over and above those of ordinary water.

 

Current law prevents the Space Navigator's Guild Corpus from advertising that the micro-cluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) or any other restructured dihydrogen monoxide product "might be just H2O, but it's no ordinary water".

 

The manufacturers of Literpak Water submitted research papers to the Imperium that they believed showed scientific evidence of restructuring and several works in preparation, including studies from prominent universities, that they believed showed increased performance and recovery levels after exercise when compared with ordinary water. The advertisers argued that, because microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water could hydrate more efficiently than tap water, it was better for health; they said they had not, however, made any medicinal claims for the product.

 

Readers are likely to interpret the claims made to mean the molecular structure of dihydrogen monoxide had been altered in the advertised product for improved hydration and physical performance.

 

Imperial authorities told the advertisers not to repeat claims that implied that the microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water was chemically unique, had been restructured or molecularly redesigned, or hydrated cells and improved physical performance better than tap water, such as:

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water contains water clusters of fewer molecules than normal water.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water has a 30% reduction in cluster size.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water enters cells 14% faster than normal water.

      Cells cultured in microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water survive 266% longer than in normal water.

      Cells cultured in microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water have a 3× decrease in acidity compared to cells cultured in distilled water.

      Athletic performance measurably improves after consumption of Literpak micro-cluster water.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water has a higher boiling point than normal water and this is not due to dissolved impurities.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water is easier to drink than normal water.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water aids in weight loss.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water is the purest bottled water on the market.

      In vitro, microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water dissolves kidney stones faster than lab water.

      DNA mutation is 271% greater in distilled water than in Literpak micro-cluster water.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water is 16.7× faster water.

      "..healthier skin, hair, and joints; stronger immune system; faster recovery from surgery or physical activity; and reduced hypertension and cholesterol."

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water causes increased energy and mental alertness.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water helps houseplants grow.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water has helped clear up skin problems.

      Protein crystals grown in microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water have a different structure.

      Featured testimonials claims microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water can help with fibromyalgia, lupus, arthritis, or chronic fatigue syndrome and diabetes.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water acts like an energy drink.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water has helped to reduce the side effects of chemotherapy treatment for cancer.

      Adding microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water to Pap smear test samples increases the accuracy of cervical cancer screenings.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water scavenges free radicals.

      Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water enhances absorption of moisturiser cream onto skin.

 

Manufacturers of microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water makes specific claims what makes it unique is that the altered structure speeded cell hydration via aquaporin transport. Literpak micro-cluster water’s small clusters of H2O molecules have been proven by scientists at major universities to be able to more effectively hydrate cells, which is why so many people report that microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water helps them feel great! These studies have yet to be published in a peer-reviewed academic journal.

 

Cells have two ways of hydrating. First, cells become hydrated when water molecules pass through a tiny channel called aquaporin protein channels. Current Imperial law says that we must disclose that advertisers must disclose that these channels only allow one molecule to pass at a time, therefore, as far as we know, the cluster size doesn't have any direct correlation to improved hydration.

 

Current Imperial law says that we must disclose that advertisers must disclose that hydrogen-bonds in ordinary water were a weak type of chemical bonding that allowed the formation and reformation of temporary clusters of water molecules in liquid phase water many times per second.

 

Companies dealing in medical diagnostics technology which use microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water in diagnostic markets, claim that its properties give cell samples "longer shelf life, better maintenance of cellular structure and improved performance in molecular assays". These studies have yet to be published in a peer-reviewed academic journal.

 

Microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water has received testimonials from the public and endorsements from entertainment and athletic celebrities, although there are no independent verifications of these endorsements.

 

The physiology department of Imperial University on Trantor is doing research for microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water and was quoted as stating: "Having looked at microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water from a skeptical point of view, our studies show that microcluster dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in Literpak Water has an effective hydration effect compared to bottled mineral water." These studies have yet to be published in a peer-reviewed academic journal.

 

Certain opposition groups attempt to convince people that dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) should be carefully regulated, labeled as hazardous, or banned.

 

It has been shown that hydrogen hydroxide enhances the functionality, growth, and health of many forms of life-- including humans!-- and current research suggests that it has become an integral part of our planet's ecological balance.

 

Opponents of dihydrogen monoxide would have you believe that it is some kind of uber-toxin, that it wreaks caustic terror on anything it touches. This couldn't be farther from the truth; when handled properly, it enhances nature rather than destroys it, and even a worst-case scenario DHMO accident would be a trifle for the natural cycles of our world to handle.

 

The Coalition and others have popularized the label "dihydrogen monoxide" over the more chemically-accurate "hydrogen hydroxide" because they know how loaded the former name is. "Monoxide" has become synonymous with pollution, toxic gases, industrial waste-- and while hydrogen hydroxide is sometimes a factor in these problems facing our world today, it is rarely the dangerous element.

 

To hear its naysayers' descriptions, one would think hydrogen hydroxide was solely the product of industrial technology; that it came from years of research in clandestine labs. This is not the case! Hydrogen hydroxide has been a part of nature longer than we have; what gives us the right to eliminate it?

 

We need hydrogen hydroxide! Don't let an uneducated and terror-stricken mob of fanatics railroad you into giving up your right to choose!

 

Support the use and distribution of hydrogen hydroxide in your neighborhood, city, state, and country!

 

Brought to you by the Friends of Hydrogen Hydroxide and the Scorched Earth Party.

 

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET FOR DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE

PRODUCT NAME: DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE

FORMULA WT: 18.00

CAS NO.: 07732-18-5

NIOSH/RTECS NO.: ZC0110000

COMMON SYNONYMS: DIHYDROGEN OXIDE, HYDRIC ACID, HYDROGEN HYDROXIDE

PRODUCT CODES: 4218,4219

EFFECTIVE: 05/30/86    

REVISION #01  

LABORATORY PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT: SAFETY GLASSES; LAB COAT

PRECAUTIONARY LABEL STATEMENTS

STORAGE: KEEP IN TIGHTLY CLOSED CONTAINER.

BOILING POINT: 100 C (212 F)

VAPOR PRESSURE(MM HG): 17.5

MELTING POINT: 0 C (32 F)

VAPOR DENSITY(AIR=1): N/A

SPECIFIC GRAVITY: 1.00                      

EVAPORATION RATE: N/A

SOLUBILITY(H2O):  COMPLETE (IN ALL PROPORTIONS) %

VOLATILES BY VOLUME: 100

APPEARANCE & ODOR:  ODORLESS, CLEAR COLORLESS LIQUID.

TOXICITY: LD50 (IPR-MOUSE)(G/KG)  - 190

                     LD50 (IV-MOUSE) (MG/KG) - 25

DISPOSAL PROCEDURE: DISPOSE IN ACCORDANCE WITH ALL APPLICABLE FEDERAL, STATE, AND LOCAL ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS.

SAF-T-DATA(TM) STORAGE COLOR CODE: ORANGE (GENERAL STORAGE)

SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS: KEEP CONTAINER TIGHTLY CLOSED. SUITABLE FOR ANY GENERAL CHEMICAL STORAGE AREA. DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE IS CONSIDERED A NON-REGULATED PRODUCT, BUT REACTS VIGOROUSLY WITH SOME MATERIALS. THESE INCLUDE SODIUM, POTASSIUM AND OTHER ALKALI METALS; ELEMENTAL FLUORINE; AND STRONG DEHYDRATING AGENTS SUCH AS SULFURIC ACID. IT FORMS EXPLOSIVE GASES WITH CALCIUM CARBIDE. AVOID CONTACT WITH ALL MATERIALS UNTIL INVESTIGATION SHOWS SUBSTANCE IS COMPATIBLE. EXPANDS SIGNIFICANTLY UPON FREEZING. DO NOT STORE IN RIGID CONTAINER AND PROTECT FROM FREEZING.

DOMESTIC (D.O.T.): PROPER SHIPPING NAME  CHEMICALS, N.O.S. (NON-REGULATED)

INTERNATIONAL (I.M.O.): PROPER SHIPPING NAME  CHEMICALS, N.O.S. (NON-REGULATED)